No Rest for the Wicked

Restless.. Sleepless..

My frustrations have reached a higher level. I can no longer get a wink. My mind is full of uncertainties. The deadline for my plans is in four days and it's looking impossible to accomplish. Disappointment is looming over my head.

Today I went to visit the most important person in my life, along with other relatives, to pay our respects. If there was anyone who can comfort me these days, it would have been him. We would simply talk it out and he always had the right words to make me feel safe. Those words are no longer with me.. The hugs I long for are now only present in my dreams. I miss him everyday and will love him forever.. And I can't say anymore because it hurts too much..

We spent the rest of the day taking care of my responsibilities at home. The bed I had made for grandma had been delivered so we stopped by the mall to by a new mattress and pillows. Also ordered a couple of pizzas and something for grandpa then we high-tailed it home to get everything in order. It was a pleasant visit but we were still tired from the weekend outing so we didn't stay long.

After grandma's, we were off to the mall again for a couple of errands then we were home bound. It's been days since we went for a drive so it was nice to be out just by ourselves, especially since we had a fight the night before that just got resolved this morning with a swift apology.

I've kept myself busy but it didn't helped one bit with the troubles that are plaguing me to no end. The message I got from my mom made me feel worse. It was a punch in the gut. Reality is laughing at my face. My hopes to migrate and be with family for a fresh start seem that it won't see the light of day. I will still be waiting because there is nothing else I can do. Accomplishing any of my goals has now become a fantasy. I've become hopeless.. And misery won't let me be..