Night After

02/03/2013 – 11:20PM

I’m currently having a fight with Ogot. That is not a good way to get through these tumultuous times. I was nursing a headache when we got home so after getting our stuff in order, I slept it off. That worked a bit so I joined hubby upstairs while he starter editing pictures. Things were going as usual until a tantrum exploded out of nowhere. I don’t really care for being spoken to in harsh manners or getting looked at inhospitably when I’ve done nothing out of the ordinary.

So I’m secluding myself in the dining room, typing angrily at my innocent keyboard. Oh well, shit happens. What I’m wondering is why crap is happening so much these days I can barely keep up. Tomorrow is another day of doubt and mulling about the future that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere near where I hope for. That’s not something I want to look forward to. But that is that and I don’t really have other options apart from waiting at the moment. I’m disbelieving of my ability to figure something else out. I don’t know when I stopped believing, I just know I’m worn down by all the uncertainties that I’m currently facing.

Words are spilling out of my head and trying to get them in an understandable order is beginning to be a challenge and If can’t formulate coherent sentences than I’m in really big trouble. The clutter, frustrations and worries stuck in my mind is one thing; it’s another to be completely consumed by it all. It’s bad enough that I’m about to lose my sanity but having been defeated by all this sounds really pathetic. I feel pathetic too and helpless, and a ton of other senseless things that is driving me nuts! I’m sure somewhere lays a room, complete with a straight jacket and chains with my name on it, just waiting for me to crack. So what will come first; the realization of my plans for the future or my surrender to insanity??