I've been writing non-stop to distract myself from my overflowing frustrations and it finally paid off a couple of hours ago. I decided to get out of the house despite my migraine in the hopes of relieving it with some fresh air. It didn't work but I was able to check my ATM card and I apparently got payment for some of the articles I've made. I wasn't expecting it for a couple of days and I just checked my card for no reason. It's not a lot but at least I'm not skint anymore.
I still need to get an update from the "powers that be" in order to go through with my planned migration and I'm planning to bug the POC everyday starting tomorrow until I get an answer. I need at least an ETA or I might snap.
My defense mechanism is up again because of everything that's happened which means I've been bolting it all in. I tried looking for emotional support from friends but it's been a disappointing endeavor. My college friends have not been able to free up any time for a couple of years now mainly because of their girlfriends, a problem with the only girl in the group. I've tried to make contact but I guess I'm just not part of their world anymore. My happily gay friends are more accommodating but our schedules are not as helpful. I've never been known to share my troubles with family so apart from hubby, whom I don't wanna get worked up with all my frustrations, there's no one. Now this is not new to me. It's been this way ever since and I get by. My brother was the one who always comforted me, he need not know exactly what was bothering me, he was just always there. Now I no longer have that and it only makes me even more irrevocably depressed. There is nothing more I can do about how life should have been and I may want to bang my head against the wall about 5-10 times a day but it is what it is.
I'm growing cynical day-by-day and even though I'm thankful that I was able to get a little something out of my work, it still doesn't even come close to compensating the hell I'm currently in. If it weren't for hubby I won't have been able to keep up with all this sh*t. There is no door marked "exit", no shortcut to the answers, no arrows to point me to the right direction and certainly no "skip to the end" button to push. Whether I accept the things that are happening, life is shoving it down my throat. The only option is to buck up and take whatever the frack life decides to hand me without elaborate complaints. I understand letting off some steam but wallowing in self-pity is pointless and unhelpful. Because if life is unfair to everyone, doesn't that make life fair??
I still need to get an update from the "powers that be" in order to go through with my planned migration and I'm planning to bug the POC everyday starting tomorrow until I get an answer. I need at least an ETA or I might snap.
My defense mechanism is up again because of everything that's happened which means I've been bolting it all in. I tried looking for emotional support from friends but it's been a disappointing endeavor. My college friends have not been able to free up any time for a couple of years now mainly because of their girlfriends, a problem with the only girl in the group. I've tried to make contact but I guess I'm just not part of their world anymore. My happily gay friends are more accommodating but our schedules are not as helpful. I've never been known to share my troubles with family so apart from hubby, whom I don't wanna get worked up with all my frustrations, there's no one. Now this is not new to me. It's been this way ever since and I get by. My brother was the one who always comforted me, he need not know exactly what was bothering me, he was just always there. Now I no longer have that and it only makes me even more irrevocably depressed. There is nothing more I can do about how life should have been and I may want to bang my head against the wall about 5-10 times a day but it is what it is.
I'm growing cynical day-by-day and even though I'm thankful that I was able to get a little something out of my work, it still doesn't even come close to compensating the hell I'm currently in. If it weren't for hubby I won't have been able to keep up with all this sh*t. There is no door marked "exit", no shortcut to the answers, no arrows to point me to the right direction and certainly no "skip to the end" button to push. Whether I accept the things that are happening, life is shoving it down my throat. The only option is to buck up and take whatever the frack life decides to hand me without elaborate complaints. I understand letting off some steam but wallowing in self-pity is pointless and unhelpful. Because if life is unfair to everyone, doesn't that make life fair??
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