Another Path..

With the way things are right now, I need a back up plan. Nothing is currently going our way and I'm beginning to ask if my plans are aligned with what the universe has in store for me. I've created an elaborate list of things to do in order to get to where I wanna be in life. I've been following that list and even added more just to get my life in track and so far, nothing is working for us. I've gone back and forth on that list, tried different tactics, adjusted my lifestyle, slaved over job-hunting and I'm still where I was a month ago. Struggling to get a move on with the life I want.

Now, I'm not the most religious person in the world. In fact, I don't have faith in organized religion. But I do believe in the higher power, and so I pray. I'm thankful that I was able to accomplish the first half of my plan and I try to face the obstacles head on. But as the days go by, I'm beginning to ask whether the universe is attempting to tell me that this is just not for me. That I want the wrong things. The delay we first encountered is now looking like a signal that we shouldn't have pushed it. Perhaps we shouldn't have forced what we wanted and that we should have quit while we were ahead.

It's too late to for all the "should have", "could have" and "would have" now. What I'm, currently trying to do is to set up a fall back plan. If we have to go back to the PH, what the hell are we going to do there?? Where the f*ck will we end up?? I have a couple of ideas but all of them include taking a chunk of my savings. Oh well, life's a bitch! I just have to suck it up and move on if we ever fail in this endeavor. I've never been one to be a gracious loser, but life is kicking my ass so hard that I might have to admit defeat at some point soon. I really don't want to, but i"m running out of options. Soon there won't be any left of "me". I'll just be a pile of ashes on the ground, being taken away by the wind..